


Mass Effect Tumblr Ficlets--Shenko Edition

by Forlorn_Melody



Category: Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Ficlets, So here they are, someone requested I post my Tumblr mini fics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24120769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forlorn_Melody/pseuds/Forlorn_Melody
Summary: Reposts of my Mass Effect Tumblr ficlets--this batch focusing on the relationship between Femshep and Kaidan Alenko
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard
Kudos: 6





	1. Grievances--After Horizon

**Author's Note:**

> This one is nothing but post-Horizon angst.

Kaidan drove Shepard crazy. And not just in the _good_ way either. People always said biotics ran hot, but Kaidan always had the thermostat turned up too high, leaving Shepard to sweat in her sleep. Even more so when he pulled her close at night, in a sweaty, all-smothering embrace. 

Through the night, despite all the shit he’d been through, Kaidan slept like the _dead._ He needed not one, not two, but _three_ alarms to wake him in the morning, and Kaidan always needed to wake before she did. In all their time together, Shepard could never figure out why. Kaidan claimed his biotics maintained his hair for him–was it the beard she never saw him wear? Did he _really_ need to shave each morning? This had never been an issue with Shepard’s other lovers, but then again, she rarely stayed with any of them more than one night. 

When they ate, Kaidan would steal food off Shepard’s plate, no matter how big a serving she had heaped on his. “Biotic’s gotta eat,” he’d say, shoving another stolen bite into his mouth. “I’m a biotic too, jackass,” Shepard would snap back, and try to steal the morsel back. “But you’re not an L2,” Kaidan would argue, fighting her all the way to the floor. Somehow, they’d end up forgetting about dinner after that, only to be reminded by their hunger pains later.

He always thought out loud, to himself, and not just on missions either. In the shower, in the mess hall, in the makeshift kitchen of their beach cottage on shore leave. Admittedly, Shepard started taking to playing music on her omni-tool–half to drown him out–half to give him something to fill the blissful silence, so her lover wouldn’t have to. 

Two years later, and Shepard leaves the thermostat up to the temperature Kaidan likes, curls into a ball on the too-large bed, shivering underneath the covers. She always faces the edge–the other side too empty to contemplate. 

Shepard doesn’t set the alarms–that would be too pathetic, but her brain wakes up as if they still went off every seven minutes. She showers alone, not recognizing her haggard reflection in the mirror–the scars in all the wrong places–the tattoos missing. And yes, of _course_ , Shepard takes on other lovers, but she doesn’t bring them home to her cabin, and definitely _not_ more than one night each. 

Really, she should be thankful to have a plate of food, _gourmet_ food at that, all to herself each night, but Shepard can’t bring herself to eat. The food, even with the finest Citadel ingredients, tastes like sawdust in her mouth. Shepard starts sticking to rations, smuggling the leftovers down to the trash compactor in Zaeed’s room, paying off the mercenary with her own private contract. And while Shepard isn’t sure she can trust his loyalty towards their suicide mission _yet_ , she can trust him with her secret–or so she hopes. 

Even with the bubbles in her new fish tank, Shepard finds the cabin much too quiet. She plays the same music she used to listen to with Kaidan and finds herself talking out loud to herself to fill the space. But words won’t fill the void he left behind. 


	2. Pain in the Neck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane Shepard's reaction to Horizon

Working ~~for~~ with Cerberus has always been the tension in Shepard’s neck and shoulders. Even all the shoulder rolling in the world won’t ease the pain. It’s settled in her left temple, and won’t be leaving any time soon. All of Miranda’s reasoning, and all of Jacob’s smug remarks won’t convince Shepard–she’d rather believe Toombs. _Toombs_ , who messaged her saying he’ll kill her and her team if they ever cross paths.

And he’s not the only one.

Well. Kaidan didn’t threaten her. Not really. But it’s only a matter of time before Hackett, or maybe a less friendly admiral reads Kaidan’s report on Horizon.

Kaidan.

Shepard can’t look at his picture. She puts his picture face down on her desk–not because she’s moved on, far from it. Seeing his face makes her throat and lungs seize, like she’s floating in the vacuum of space with a leaking oxygen tank. Even as she falls to her knees on the floor of her cabin, clutching her knees, she’s back over Alchera, with the blast of the Normandy throwing her into its orbit.

She closes the hatch, but she still sees the stars racing by in her head. She sees every soldier in her platoon dead on Akuze. She smells the ooze of Thresher Maw acid, and the miasma of rotting corpses. She hears the groan of Thorian creepers, the screams of soulless rachni torn from their mother before their time.She sees Toombs on a gurney, sobbing as yet another needle pierces his veins.

Shepard knows Cerberus will turn on her one day. She knows her time is short. Hell. She’s on borrowed time already–back from the dead, not to serve the Alliance, but a terrorist organization.

_The woman I loved_ , he said. He loved her? _Loved_ her!?

And she knows with every sob that she loves him too, even after he turned his back on her.


End file.
